The Cry of My Heart..

Friday, September 30, 2011

October Eve

Well I guess its finally fall. Tonight I noticed that our nights have officially started cooling off. Its funny because we are coming out of the hottest couple of months that I can ever remember having, and yet... it wasnt that bad. :)
I havent blogged since April. WOW! I am so bad at this! I guess I could spend a while reflecting on all that has taken place since then.. but I really dont feel like it. I will just start with the NOW!

Summer will be 14 months old in 3 days. I can not believe how big she is. I am not simply saying that either.. she is REALLY big! I think she will be as tall as I am for sure when she grows up and unfortunantly, she got my feet too. This has been a hard week because she has bronchitis, and while Summer is typically a VERY healthy child we have been up every night fighting this endless coughing! :( She started school this month and goes four days a week. I think she really enjoys it, because she doesnt cry when I drop her off anymore. They have fun and play outside, paint, color... I know she really loves to play with the other kids. She is starting to talk a little and says 'pweez' and 'cheeeeese' a lot. She also has started figuring out how to do things for herself. She can help me get her dressed now and if I ask her to go get me a diaper out of her room she will! She will even go and put the dirty one in her diaper champ! I love watching her grow! She is so sweet, even though she has begun to through tantrums that are terrible! The child is SO strong! lol

Lets move on to Lillie. She is in Pre-K now and LOVES her class! We have started car-pooling with the Freys so her and her buddy Reagan get to be in the same class and ride home together! Lil started back at Maximum Athletics in her gymnastic class and while I am not sure she has the focus or drive to be a gymnast.. she says she likes it and I guess that is all that matters! I am so proud of her. She is getting more and more grown up everyday.. as sad as that makes me I kind of enjoy it too because she is more loving now. She will climb up into my lap and let me hold her whenever I want. :) She used to not let me do that.

Bj is doing well too. He is working SO hard. I wish he didnt have to work this hard. Money is a lot tighter than normal since we had to pay out of pocket for his classes this semester and he didnt get ANY financial aid. He does whatever he can to make it work though. I love that man so much. I only hope I can give him back all that he has given me over the years. Its funny because I gave him that song 'more than youll ever know' when we were dating.. but it gets more real everyday.
I am a Sam Houston University Student now. :) I know this is true because I have a couple unpaid parking tickets to prove it... oh ya and the worst schedule EVER! lol The schools took forever getting all my hours in so I had to register without my Junior status and I am all over the place! I barely have time to think and that means I have NO time to clean.. all that has gotten done lately during the week is dishes and laundry.. oh ya and I havent misplaced a child yet either! lol I am really getting into my classes though. Go figure. I never really liked to learn but as I advance I seem to like each class SO much more than the one before.. this semester my two favs are my physics class and BESL. :)
Ok well I better go get Bj to put Lillie in her bed.. she passed out in ours. I need some shut eye. Tomorrow is my niece Bethanys 1st birthday party. :)
OH I almost forgot... I started selling Sentsy ( I know when do I have the time to do that???) So far it has been a lot of fun and while I never liked to sell anything, I like being able to tell people about this stuff.. I LOVE the smells and the warmers and the buddies.. I love it all! :) I even bought a sticker for my car (I am just too scared to put it on because it has my name on it! lol)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Spring has Sprung

Well, I can't believe its been this long since I posted. Even know trying to find something to write is hard, which is puzzling since SO much has happened since the start of the year. In January I went back to taking a full load of classes, which I guess is whats to blame for me not updating my blog. Well, that and the business of chasing around TWO little girls.

Lillie and Summer are growing so beautifully. As Summer gets bigger they seem to be getting closer, as well as having more scuffles! lol. Lillie turned 4 this month. We did her party at her gym and she had so much fun. I am so proud of the little girl she is. She knows about 90% of her letters now and still LOVES going to gymnastics. We decided that May would be her last month so that she can do swimming during June and July. She is SUPER excited about swimming but not so much about not doing gymnastics too. She is still ultra girly and for the most part insists on wearing dresses with sparkly heels and her hair DOWN. :) She is still so beautiful and fun and smart and I love her SOOO much! She has developed an intense love for Bj, it is so cute to watch her with him. He is her prince! :)

Summer is 8 months now and she started walking in the last couple of weeks. I guess I should say that she was crawling at the start of her 6th month. (since I havent posted) She is SO super smart. I love watching her do new things, but it makes me sad at how fast she seems to be growing up! She is VERY tall and already wears 12m clothes and 18m onsies/sleepers!!! At her 6th month dr visit she was 99.36% for her height and it shows! I love this beautiful baby! I love the way she says 'momma' and 'dadada' and knows EXACTLY who she is talking about. She loves to wave 'bu' and sings along with music. She even looks at cards and books and pretends to read. I am steadily amazed by her!

Bj and I just celebrated our birthdays too... Bj is 33 now and I am 27. {sigh} It seems time is moving a lot faster than it used to. I can honestly say that I am more in love with Bj now that I was when we were dating and we celebrated HIS 27th birthday! :) Those memories seem so far away and yet so close. We have been praying a lot for direction lately. We need a change, expecially BJ. We are patiently waiting for God to move, or move us!

We took our first family of four vacation in March to SeaWorld! It was so much fun! Then in April we took the baby to the beach for the first time! Its so great to be able to spend time with my girls. I always want them to know how much their daddy and I love them! :) Thank God for my precious fam

ily!

Monday, December 6, 2010

A year ago...

I have been flooded with memories of one year ago today. December 6th was the day I took my pregnancy test and was SO super excited to see a positive sign. We were going to have a baby! I also remember what happened next. When the dr told us the pregnancy was bad and that our baby was not going to make it. I remember how lost I felt and how overwhelmed with sorrow I was over this child that I never knew... but wanted so badly. I remember drawing close to God in that time. Seeking his face all day everyday and crying out to him for the life of my child.

As I look into the beautiful blue eyes of my little Summer Rose I cannot help but thank God for that time. As hard as it was, it taught me a lot about the peace that God can give us in the midst of lifes hurricanes.

Summer is 4 months old. Time is flying by, again, but I am so blessed to be able to watch her grow. She is such a smart baby. Already trying to crawl and sit by herself. I know the time of her getting into everything is drawing near. She laughes all the time and she even likes to sing along to christmas music! We are getting ready to celebrate her FIRST christmas! :) While she doesnt really know whats going on.. I do. I know how sweet these moments are and I dont want to miss a thing!

Lillie is getting super excited about Christmas too! She is constantly adding another item to her list of 'wants.' lol I think she is starting to understand a bit more about giving too and told me she wanted to go pick out a gift for her daddy. She has been in Gymnastics for a month now and LOVES it! The other kids have been in a while longer than her but she is catching on quickly. I just like that she finally found something she likes to do! We have been working on spelling her name and recognizing letters. She can spell it pretty good now and can even type it when I help her. I am proud of her. I know that she will be reading before we know it. She is such a beautiful blessing to me and BJ.

BJ and I are also getting into the holiday spirit! We put some lights on the house yesterday and I think tonight I am going to pull out my White Christmas movie and make some hot choc for Lillie! :) It is so cold, FINALLY, now so it makes me want to eat a lot of chili and roast marshmellows!

Bj is so dear to me. In one week we will celebrate the 6 year anniversary of the day we met. :) The best day of my life. :) We had no idea then that we will be here now... but I am sure glad we are!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Let the rain fall in the form of colored leaves...

I love this time of year. It seems like there is something so simple and pure about getting rid of the old dead things in our lives and moving into a time of renewal. I feel like my life is making a turn in such a positive direction now. I am purifying... simplifying. Connecting with myself and my family and God. I have started yet another journey to lose weight. lol. After Summer was born there was the initial 'baby weight' that I needed to get rid of, but there was also the EXTRA weight that, in my struggle to 'be' this perfect mom... and 'be' able to get pregnant.. and 'be' able to do good in school.. and 'be' able to keep my house up, I have put on. I think that their are many reasons for extra baggage to be added to your life in the form of fat. In order to give this baggage over to God and let Him have it, you have to first be able to identify WHY you have it in the first place. In the past five years I have really dealt with why I started to gain weight initially. I believe it was around 4th grade. A lot of emotional things took place at that time and I can see in the pictures how I slowly started to put on weight. I believe it was stress eating.. emotional eating and a bit of depression that kept my formally 'outside' self .. inside. Now that I have dealt with those emotions from so long ago (while some days I still have to deal with them again.. healing is a process and sometimes.. the scars hurt) I have to deal with why I am STILL struggling with weight AFTER the fact. I think the reason is all the bad habits I have formed in all these years of comfort eating. BAD habits! I said that to say this... I have found what Bj and I have been looking for. A plan to get my WHOLE self lined up with the way God intended it. While I am in no way a master at this plan yet I have been doing it for about a week and a half and am slowly adjusting my life to line up with the principles in this plan. It is called the MariMethod. I really feel a connection to this style of eating and life altering. It incorporates exercise.. with yoga.. with a healthy eating lifestyle... and a bit of brain washing! Exactly what we all need! :) I am so excited to be on this path to healthy living. I am beginning to see myself as worth it. I don't have to BE everything and DO everything perfect.. I just need to live for God and let His light shine through my life. If I am eating something that will have negative effects on my body.. like a doughnut. Why am I eating it? How will that effect the way my body feels? My moods? My mind? Is that the way God wants me to feel or is that the best path He has for my life? It is about changing the way I look at myself and the way I think about my life. I love the little changes that I have made! :)

On another note... Summer is doing FANTASTIC! :) she is growing and becoming more and more beautiful with each day. She is about 2.5 months old now. My little angel. She is turning out to be more and more like me and I love it!

Even though it scares me. lol

She is really starting to move though. She can pick toys up and hold things. When she is doing her 'tummy time' she can scoot and grab something. I am just in awe of this time. I LOVE having a baby. Whenever I look at Lillie, however, I am reminded at how fast they grow up... I am constantly holding Summers little head up to my face and rubbing her little baby hairs on my cheek. She is such a great baby! God is so good to have given us TWO great babies! We were having some trouble with her reflux for a bit but we switched her to a new medicine and she is just so happy now. :) It is amazing how God gives us so much room in our hearts for love.

Lillie is doing really good too. In fact, she is getting so big that it makes me cry sometimes. I bought her a preK work book and we practice tracing letters and numbers.... writing. I think its funny because she cant remember all the letters but she does surprisingly well drawing them. lol. She is so smart. Lately she has been building little towers to get to stuff... its pretty dangerous but I am always amazed by how creative and crafty she can be. I am also blown away with how beautiful of a girl she is. I just watch her sometimes and think... God you really are a master craftsman! She is just so dang pretty! I find myself praying that we will raise her with a good mind on her shoulders and be able to keep her from letting her beauty get her into LOTS of trouble. Instead, I want her to use it to glorify God in her life, well that and to make me LOTS of grand kids with some attractive young preacher lol. What? No child of mine will marry an ugly man and he might as well be a preacher. ;) Any who... we got her a mermaid costume for Halloween and she LOVES it!

I just Cherish this time I have with her. I am so blessed to get to spend most everyday playing with her and loving her. ♥

Bj and I went on our first date night since Summer was born last weekend. We also did something that we have NEVER done, hire a babysitter! We had a girl from our church come over and watch both girls last sat night. Katelynn got here at about 5:45 and I showed her around and talked to her a bit. I was SO nervous, but she has babysat like EVERY kid at our church and she is CPR certified (I KNOW!!!) so I felt I could really trust her. We left and went out to eat at Landry's. Bj was so sweet! We shared a meal and enjoyed each other. Then we took a walk down the waterway and just enjoyed being in love. :) There is a monument by the water of a deer and a doe reaching to kiss and it seemed like there was just love and romance in the air. I was such a beautiful, wonderful night! When we got home (ok I did call once from the restaurant..) Katelynn had Lillie asleep in her bed and Summer had been fed and was almost asleep herself! It wad wonderful! Bj and I got to stay up and talk and enjoy each others company. I am so blessed to be married to the love of my life!

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

So Blessed!

Its been a while since I posted so let me get everyone up to speed...

Summer Rose Cobb

August 3rd, 2010 7:31am 9lbs 5oz 21in

(I love this picture because this is how she looked when I first saw her!)

BJ with his girls; Lillie and Summer.

Lillie is the BEST big sister!

Summer LOVES to laugh...

And play!

Lillie made pancakes on her first day of school!!! :)

At just 5 weeks old Summer choked and stopped breathing! We had to spend a VERY long 24 hours in the NICU! :(

But Thank God she is all better now!!!

I am sure by all these pictures you must know that we have been SUPER busy! Besides everything pictured here we also took a trip to San Antonio over labor day to see my brother and his family (Summer was 4wks old). It was so good to see them! He and his wife Audrey are expecting their second child Bethany any day now and we are SO excited! Bj and I also started a new semester of college. I am home with Summer but taking two classes online. We have also been to two birthday parties and as you saw.. spent the night in the NICU. All in all this is such a blessed time in our life! Summer is growing more and more everyday! (MUCH TOO FAST!) She looks a lot like me.. and my dad from what I hear! She has bright blues eyes and we are pretty sure that they are not going to turn brown! lol Lillie is enjoying her and tells EVERYONE that Summer is HER little sister and that we are keeping her! lol As for me.. I am so thankful that God has protected my children. I have never been as scared as I was when Summer choked and I know that God was right there with me giving me wisdom and reminding me of what I needed to do. God has reminded me the life is uncertain! I need to continue to pray for my girls EVERYDAY and teach them the Love of God while I can. We are not promised tomorrow, but man I pray that God gives it to us!

Monday, August 2, 2010

He knows my name...

I had such an amazing day at church yesterday. There is a song that means so much to me, 'He knows my name.' I looked down at the bulletin and saw that we would sing that song during prayer time and I couldnt help but tear up. I was flooded with memories from the last 2 years.
I remember when BJ and I first began to try for another baby. I was so hopeful that it would be easy... after about 6 months I went to the Dr and discovered that, like before I had Lillie, I was not ovulating. I remember crying on the phone with Bj at the drs bad news and us deciding to try the medicine. That sunday at church they played this song. The song says, "I have a Father who calls me his own, He'll never leave me, no matter where I go. He knows my name, he knows my every thought. He see's each tear that falls, and hears me when I call... He hears me when I call." I cried that day. It seems that I would hear the song over and over in this time of our life... I was mourning my inability to have another child. I knew that God could see my tears and hear my call and I wondered what He was thinking... what plans He had. Then we found out we were pregnant and when the Dr told us the baby wouldnt make it we were both so devistated. I remember being at church and during prayer time they played THIS song. I cried at the alter for my baby and for me.
Now, all these months later I found myself sitting in church crying again. I am just hours from having my little Summer Rose. The second blessed gift from God that I have wept and prayed for all these many many months. I used to hear the song and cry for Gods mercy on me. I would cry for His help and a way out of my situation. Now, I cried out of complete thankfulness.
He does know my name. He DOES know my every thought. He DOES see my tears. He DOES hear me when I call. I am so amazed and so grateful for our God. Through this journey I have come to understand the sovereignty of God, and I have come to understand what it feels like to be held by him.

Lord, I thank you. You have given me such an amazing life that is filled with Love. You have blessed me with an amazing family that I adore. I know that no matter what happens I will always love you and you will always love me. I can feel you with me in this time, and I thank you for protecting me and Summer through this pregnancy. Thank you for growing her and for taking her to full term. Tomorrow as we go to the hospital to have her, I ask that you continue to protect us. Surround me Lord in your peace. Be with Bj and I as we welcome this tiny blessing. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for hearing my cries. I love you.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

A letter for Summer

I got a call from the Dr's office today. They told me that they finally have a scheduled date for your arrival. August 3rd. I am currently wrapped in a world of emotion. First of all being complete thankfulness to God for carrying me through this pregnancy with very little complications.
I want you to know how special you are to me. It will probably be a while (most likely not until you have your own child) before you understand how much I prayed and desired you before you were ever even conceived. I have loved you every second since the day I decided I would like to try for another baby. Today, 2 weeks before your scheduled date of arrival, I love you even more and can not WAIT to see you face to face.
I like to dream of you... to lay in bed and imagine what your face will look like.. if you will have dark beautiful brown eyes like your sister Lillie or if you will have light blue/hazel eyes like me. Will your hair be brown or blond.. or will it be red like my mothers side of the family. Will you love to dance and sing or will you be sporty and talkative? It doesn't really matter because I will love you just the way you are.
I want you to know that you are so unique and important in this family and in this world. God has made you perfectly and He has set in motion a plan for you that you could not even imagine. I pray that I can be the mother He has called me to be. That I can guide you and show you all the things you will need to know. I pray that I have LOTS of time with you and that our time together is filled with love and understanding.
Summer you have an amazing older sister who loves you and has been waiting on you. I want you to know that no matter what happens in this life Lillie does love you, and so does your daddy and I.
Speaking of your dad. He is so excited to have another little girl come into his life! He has been talking to you since the day we found out I was pregnant. He prays for you EVERYDAY! He loves you SO much! We all do.
I love you Summer Rose Cobb. I can not wait to hold you and kiss you and show you off to the world. Always hold your head up high! You are a daughter of the King... a princess in the highest courts!
See you soon my love...