On Sunday December 6th I woke up and felt an incredible urge to take a pregnancy test. This is not the first time this has happened. In fact since last August (2008) I have taken about 13 pregnancy tests. That is when we some what began trying and officially began in Oct of 08. Anyway, That Sunday morning was a bit different. I had been plagued with lack of sleep the night before. I got out my baby name book (that I keep on my night stand for easy access) and began rummaging the pages. I NEVER test before the 20th of each month, so I had already begun to tell myself to chill out! However, not five minutes later I found myself ripping open a new test. It was one of those expensive ones that read NOT PREGNANT or PREGNANT. I had taken one on the twentieth of November and was not surprised to see the NOT PREGNANT sign glare at me. I held the test in my hand and whispered a prayer "God, PLEASE make a miracle!" Not even a minute later the PREGNANT sign lite up right before my eyes. I could not believe it. I ran to the bedroom door and called BJ to "COME QUICK!" He ran over to me and I showed him. We both laughed and cried and praised God! I could not believe it!
On December 8th I went to my first doctors appointment. I had not ovulated in about a year and had not had a period in over 4 months so I had no idea how far along I was. All I knew was that I took a pregnancy test on Nov 20th and that it was negative. The dr ordered an ultrasound and We couldn't see anything except and empty sac. The ultrasound tech told me that without an actual baby it would be impossible to know how far along I was. Dr. McAfee then ordered a blood test. He told me, "Stephanie this may be a bad pregnancy so I am gonna have your hCG levels checked to find out what is going on." We scheduled another ultrasound for 2 weeks later just to double check. The next day they called me and told me that the blood test was bad and I needed to come back in on Thursday the 10th to talk to the Dr. I was devastated. Bj was positive and told me that maybe I just needed to take some hormone pills.
Bj, Lillie and I arrived at the Dr right on time. The wait in the waiting room was AGONY but nothing could have prepared us for the news we would hear. When we came into Dr McAfees office I could tell right away that things were not good. He told us that my hCG was less than 5 and that the baby was not going to make it. He then explained how I could either go home and wait for my body to "abort the baby" or he could do a dnc to remove the baby. Bj and I were SHOCKED! "umm... cant we just wait?" I said. The Dr could tell we were more than shaken and he told me to go home and come back for my ultrasound and if I had not miscarried by then we would discuss removing the baby more. As I walked out of the office holding Bjs hand I began to sob. It was a cry that I have never cried before. I wept for my baby. I cried the entire way home and for a long while after wards. I remember just lying on my bed sobbing uncontrollably. BJ came in and set by me. He said "Honey this is not over! We are not accepting that bad report!" That night I could not sleep at all. I got up and researched hCG levels.. what was normal.. what was not.. what did it mean? I found out something interesting. A person HAD to have a hCG level HIGHER than 5 in order for a test to read positive.. in fact some websites said Higher that 40!.. I Ran into the bathroom and grabbed another pregnancy test. It was positive. What did this mean???? Was my blood test bad? I was so confused.
Over the next week or so I began to seek God for answers. I told Pastor Paula (our pastors wife) what was going on in the midst of all my turmoil. She looked at my tear soaked face and told me a story. She said, " When Jacob was told that his son Joseph had died the bible says that no one could console him. That he was overcame with grief for more than 2 years. But Joseph was never dead, he was alive. Later when they found him he was working for the king and actually helped save them in their time of trouble." She said,"God had a plan for Joseph! DON'T waste time in sorrow... when God has a plan for you!" She was right. I was wasting my time mourning my child. But my child was not dead! I then decided that until I SAW a miscarriage.. my baby was ALIVE! I began to praise God for the life that is inside me! I would say over and over, "Thank you Lord that my child will live and not die! Thank you Lord for health in my body. Thank you Lord that this baby will go full term!" Bj and I began to stand on the promises of God. It was not easy.
I learned so much about myself in these last two weeks. I learned how simply amazing my husband is. I am so blessed to have him beside me. He is my strength when I have non.. he holds my hands up. I also learned how great some of my friends are. I did not tell a lot of people about what was going on. In fact besides Bj I told 4. I needed to spill out what was going on but I also needed someone to call me and see how I was. To help be my strength when Bj wasn't around. And they did! Thank you to those that have loved me in such a special way through this time! It means more to me than you will ever know. For those of you that I did not tell.. it was not because I don't love you. Its because I could not bare to tell you I was pregnant and have to go back and tell you later that I was not.
On Monday the 21st I had made up my mind that the blood test was false. I called the Drs office and asked the nurse if I could go ahead and take another blood test that day so that when I came in for my apt on wed the results would be in. She asked the dr and came back saying, "umm Dr McAfee wasn't going to order another blood test for you. He doesn't think you need one." I could tell they thought I was insane... "PLEASE!" I said, " I really feel like the test was not right and I want to redo the same test again.. just to be sure." She asked the dr and came back, "Ok, come pick up the order." I was so relieved... then really nervous. I knew God wanted me to pray over my blood. I am not big on stepping out so this was hard for me. I left Lillie with my mom and headed to the blood center. When I got in to take my test it was the same woman who had taken my blood two weeks earlier. After she had taken the two tubes of blood I asked her ... "Would it be ok if I prayed over my blood?" She looked at me surprised... "umm Sure! Do you want to hold it?" I smiled, "yes!" So I took the blood and said a prayer. I prayed that God would give me the results I was looking for. I also prayed that God would bless this woman and all the people who would be working that night to test my blood. I was invigorated! It was like I was sailing with Jesus! I called Bj and told him what I did!
The count down... From that moment until wed at 9:15 felt like the LONGEST day and a half of my life. Finally it was here. Wed morning. I was sitting in the waiting room just crazy nervous. When Bj sent me a text.. "I love you, Our baby will be fine!" I sighed... man I love him! He was right.. why was I so scared? We had already claimed this baby would live and not die! When the ultrasound tech called me back I jumped up! Walking through the door I saw Dr Mc talking to her.. he was smiling SOO big... he looked at me and said "Stephanie this is a good pregnancy! I think the baby is going to make it!" My heart jumped! "I have been praying and praying Dr Mcafee!"
When I saw the baby on the screen I began to cry. THANK YOU LORD! I told the ultrasound lady (which I guess I should have asked her name but never did) "This has been the longest two weeks of my life.. but that is my baby! My miracle baby! God is so good!"
Later in Dr McAfees office he told me that I was right that the blood test was false. He said that even though he NEVER sees this happen the lab must have made a mistake. But I know it was God... He showed himself to me this month.
Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life. Thank you for all that you have done for me and all that you are going to do! I ask that you continue to wrap your arms around my new precious baby and keep this baby safe! I thank you for my child going full term and being born happy and healthy! Thank you for trusting us with this new gift of life! Please help us to raise this child to love you more than anything in this world! I love you! Bless Lillie this Christmas. Let me never take the miracle of her life for granted. Thank you for two amazing children! I thank you that even more than this baby... YOU are our Christmas Miracle!
