Safe

I have been trying to figure out what the name of this song is. When I first found out that I was pregnant and we thought we might loose the baby I heard this song. For some reason it has made such an impact on me. If only I could get to the place of letting myself go and allowing God to hold me in his arms. When I saw the ultrasound or our baby it was a miracle. Later when I heard this song I was reminded of the heart beat in the ultrasound. This tiny baby that was not even refered to AS a baby yet.. had a very tiny.. very precious heart beat and my God was holding our babys heart safe in His hands the entire time! PRAISE THE LORD!



Daniel 5:23 "... honor the God that holds in His hand your life and all your ways."

I was going to add the song SAFE by Phil Wickham to my playlist but unfortunantly its too new and they do not have it yet. :( So... I was going to write all the words but I decided I will just write this one line. Hopefully when you get a chance you will look this song up and listen to it! It has really blessed me.
"You will be safe in His arms 'cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart."

Well where to begin. Its Jan 12th, 2010. A new year. A new start. When I think about this year I cant help but feel a little bit of a rush. This is going to be a big year for us!

Bj and I have officially been together for 5yrs now. We will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this June and I could not be happier. I love him so much. I was thinking about him while straightening up the house today and I remember 5 yrs ago around this time. I was headed to a drs apt and I heard the song 'More than you'll ever know' by Watermark. I remember thinking how that was my song for Bj. I printed out the words to the song and had a plaque made for him that had the title on it. As I sit today five years later the words to the song take on a whole new meaning for me. Only God knows how often my wonderful man of God is down on his knees crying out to his beloved Father for me and our family. Bj has been more than my best friend, more than my lover, more than my husband.. he has been more to me than he will ever know!

I love you BJ!

I have also been thinking a lot about Lillie. I know that a lot will change for her this year. She is turning three in April, and becoming a big sister at the end of the summer. I look at this beautiful little girl that completely changed mine and Bjs life and I am SO in love with her! I remember Bj and I crying in the hospital room holding her right after she was born. My beautiful little miracle. She has grown to be so much more wonderful than I could have imagined. She is so smart and gifted. She has a way of saying the funniest sweetest little things that just brighten my day. I wonder if things with us will still be the same after the baby is born. Will she know how much I wanted this baby JUST for her.. just so she would never be alone. I watch her play by herself and wish there was another child beside her keeping her company. I love her so much. The other night I had a dream that she drowned.. I know that it was a horrible attack of the enemy. I was so shaken by this dream. My love for her is so strong and I pray Gods hand of protection on her. I never want to see anything bad happen to her.

She is starting dance class this coming up Friday. I am so excited for her. She loves to dance with Barbie and the nutcracker and she does pretty good! :) My baby is growing up. But she will ALWAYS be my baby.

My classes start back up next week. YEP my break is almost over. Last semester the stresses of life and all we were going through both physically and financially put a HUGE toll on my grades. I had the worst semester I could have ever had. Now going in to this new semester I know that I can not let that happen again. I pray that God gives me wisdom and diligence to do the work and finish with a smile .. knowing I did my best. Sometimes I think we need to be reminded of why we are doing things. I had a close relative of ours tell us over Christmas that I should not teach, that it was ok for me to get my degree but that my place was at home with my family. As much as I respect this person and love this person. I do feel that he was/is VERY wrong. I am becoming a teacher FOR my family and my children, not to take something away from them. The timing in my life could not be more perfect for what I am trying to do. My babies will be at school age and almost at school age when I get my degree. I will have my summers off with them. I will have them delivered to my classroom in the afternoon to ride home with me and tell me about their day. I think it is the most perfect job for a mother to have. How else can I look in my daughters face and tell her that she can be ANYTHING she wants to be ... if I am not being what I feel I am called to be? I feel this was a wake up call to me. I think I lost focus on why I am doing what I am doing and that left me feeling lost. Thank you Lord for all the signs you send me every day. :)

I am 10wks pregnant this week. It is such a surreal feeling. A little scary and a lot overwhelming at times. I do not always feel pregnant. While I have grown faster with this pregnancy and I can already feel the baby lump with my hands.. I am not sick. I am not nauseated. Some women would call this a blessing and it is! However, when I was pregnant with Lillie being sick was a constant reassurance of my state. With this one I am reminded of the meaning of Faith... believing in the unseen, and having confidence in things we hope for. I am also having some name dilemmas. With Lillie naming her was easy. We knew from the start that if we had a girl she would be named Lillie after Bjs grandmother and Mae and me and my grandmother. We never could come up with a boys name (and didn't need one :) ) But this time.. I am at a loss... I have names that I like but when it comes down to finalizing that name I cant. Is it the RIGHT name. I am praying that in a couple months when we find out the sex I will be able to settle on a name. ( I guess we will have to!)

Bj and I will go to meet my new dr on the 20th and we will do another ultrasound then. I am excited about this time in our lives. I was considering moving but I changed my mind. Why move? I have all I need right here! We have plenty of room and we have memories here. I know we will move when I graduate so for right now.. I am just enjoying the season we are in.

Thank you Lord for all you have given me in this new year. I thank you for a wonderful husband and daughter that I adore! I ask that you protect them and keep them safe EVERY day! Father I ask that you open doors for our family this year. Give us direction and guidance in the paths we should take. I ask that you lead my family in all that we do. Lord, I thank you for keeping my new baby safe within me. Grow this child in health. I thank you for a full term baby that is perfect in your eyes. I thank you for my friends and family today. Bless them in all they day. Give them favor with the world and with all they do this year. I love you and ask that you help me be the wife and mother I need to be all the time. Thank you Lord for this life you have given me! I love you!

Amen