A year ago...

I have been flooded with memories of one year ago today. December 6th was the day I took my pregnancy test and was SO super excited to see a positive sign. We were going to have a baby! I also remember what happened next. When the dr told us the pregnancy was bad and that our baby was not going to make it. I remember how lost I felt and how overwhelmed with sorrow I was over this child that I never knew... but wanted so badly. I remember drawing close to God in that time. Seeking his face all day everyday and crying out to him for the life of my child.

As I look into the beautiful blue eyes of my little Summer Rose I cannot help but thank God for that time. As hard as it was, it taught me a lot about the peace that God can give us in the midst of lifes hurricanes.

Summer is 4 months old. Time is flying by, again, but I am so blessed to be able to watch her grow. She is such a smart baby. Already trying to crawl and sit by herself. I know the time of her getting into everything is drawing near. She laughes all the time and she even likes to sing along to christmas music! We are getting ready to celebrate her FIRST christmas! :) While she doesnt really know whats going on.. I do. I know how sweet these moments are and I dont want to miss a thing!

Lillie is getting super excited about Christmas too! She is constantly adding another item to her list of 'wants.' lol I think she is starting to understand a bit more about giving too and told me she wanted to go pick out a gift for her daddy. She has been in Gymnastics for a month now and LOVES it! The other kids have been in a while longer than her but she is catching on quickly. I just like that she finally found something she likes to do! We have been working on spelling her name and recognizing letters. She can spell it pretty good now and can even type it when I help her. I am proud of her. I know that she will be reading before we know it. She is such a beautiful blessing to me and BJ.

BJ and I are also getting into the holiday spirit! We put some lights on the house yesterday and I think tonight I am going to pull out my White Christmas movie and make some hot choc for Lillie! :) It is so cold, FINALLY, now so it makes me want to eat a lot of chili and roast marshmellows!

Bj is so dear to me. In one week we will celebrate the 6 year anniversary of the day we met. :) The best day of my life. :) We had no idea then that we will be here now... but I am sure glad we are!

Let the rain fall in the form of colored leaves...

I love this time of year. It seems like there is something so simple and pure about getting rid of the old dead things in our lives and moving into a time of renewal. I feel like my life is making a turn in such a positive direction now. I am purifying... simplifying. Connecting with myself and my family and God. I have started yet another journey to lose weight. lol. After Summer was born there was the initial 'baby weight' that I needed to get rid of, but there was also the EXTRA weight that, in my struggle to 'be' this perfect mom... and 'be' able to get pregnant.. and 'be' able to do good in school.. and 'be' able to keep my house up, I have put on. I think that their are many reasons for extra baggage to be added to your life in the form of fat. In order to give this baggage over to God and let Him have it, you have to first be able to identify WHY you have it in the first place. In the past five years I have really dealt with why I started to gain weight initially. I believe it was around 4th grade. A lot of emotional things took place at that time and I can see in the pictures how I slowly started to put on weight. I believe it was stress eating.. emotional eating and a bit of depression that kept my formally 'outside' self .. inside. Now that I have dealt with those emotions from so long ago (while some days I still have to deal with them again.. healing is a process and sometimes.. the scars hurt) I have to deal with why I am STILL struggling with weight AFTER the fact. I think the reason is all the bad habits I have formed in all these years of comfort eating. BAD habits! I said that to say this... I have found what Bj and I have been looking for. A plan to get my WHOLE self lined up with the way God intended it. While I am in no way a master at this plan yet I have been doing it for about a week and a half and am slowly adjusting my life to line up with the principles in this plan. It is called the MariMethod. I really feel a connection to this style of eating and life altering. It incorporates exercise.. with yoga.. with a healthy eating lifestyle... and a bit of brain washing! Exactly what we all need! :) I am so excited to be on this path to healthy living. I am beginning to see myself as worth it. I don't have to BE everything and DO everything perfect.. I just need to live for God and let His light shine through my life. If I am eating something that will have negative effects on my body.. like a doughnut. Why am I eating it? How will that effect the way my body feels? My moods? My mind? Is that the way God wants me to feel or is that the best path He has for my life? It is about changing the way I look at myself and the way I think about my life. I love the little changes that I have made! :)

On another note... Summer is doing FANTASTIC! :) she is growing and becoming more and more beautiful with each day. She is about 2.5 months old now. My little angel. She is turning out to be more and more like me and I love it!

















Even though it scares me. lol

She is really starting to move though. She can pick toys up and hold things. When she is doing her 'tummy time' she can scoot and grab something. I am just in awe of this time. I LOVE having a baby. Whenever I look at Lillie, however, I am reminded at how fast they grow up... I am constantly holding Summers little head up to my face and rubbing her little baby hairs on my cheek. She is such a great baby! God is so good to have given us TWO great babies! We were having some trouble with her reflux for a bit but we switched her to a new medicine and she is just so happy now. :) It is amazing how God gives us so much room in our hearts for love.

Lillie is doing really good too. In fact, she is getting so big that it makes me cry sometimes. I bought her a preK work book and we practice tracing letters and numbers.... writing. I think its funny because she cant remember all the letters but she does surprisingly well drawing them. lol. She is so smart. Lately she has been building little towers to get to stuff... its pretty dangerous but I am always amazed by how creative and crafty she can be. I am also blown away with how beautiful of a girl she is. I just watch her sometimes and think... God you really are a master craftsman! She is just so dang pretty! I find myself praying that we will raise her with a good mind on her shoulders and be able to keep her from letting her beauty get her into LOTS of trouble. Instead, I want her to use it to glorify God in her life, well that and to make me LOTS of grand kids with some attractive young preacher lol. What? No child of mine will marry an ugly man and he might as well be a preacher. ;) Any who... we got her a mermaid costume for Halloween and she LOVES it!

I just Cherish this time I have with her. I am so blessed to get to spend most everyday playing with her and loving her. ♥

Bj and I went on our first date night since Summer was born last weekend. We also did something that we have NEVER done, hire a babysitter! We had a girl from our church come over and watch both girls last sat night. Katelynn got here at about 5:45 and I showed her around and talked to her a bit. I was SO nervous, but she has babysat like EVERY kid at our church and she is CPR certified (I KNOW!!!) so I felt I could really trust her. We left and went out to eat at Landry's. Bj was so sweet! We shared a meal and enjoyed each other. Then we took a walk down the waterway and just enjoyed being in love. :) There is a monument by the water of a deer and a doe reaching to kiss and it seemed like there was just love and romance in the air. I was such a beautiful, wonderful night! When we got home (ok I did call once from the restaurant..) Katelynn had Lillie asleep in her bed and Summer had been fed and was almost asleep herself! It wad wonderful! Bj and I got to stay up and talk and enjoy each others company. I am so blessed to be married to the love of my life!

So Blessed!

Its been a while since I posted so let me get everyone up to speed...

Summer Rose Cobb

August 3rd, 2010 7:31am 9lbs 5oz 21in

(I love this picture because this is how she looked when I first saw her!)

BJ with his girls; Lillie and Summer.

Lillie is the BEST big sister!

Summer LOVES to laugh...

And play!

Lillie made pancakes on her first day of school!!! :)

At just 5 weeks old Summer choked and stopped breathing! We had to spend a VERY long 24 hours in the NICU! :(

But Thank God she is all better now!!!

I am sure by all these pictures you must know that we have been SUPER busy! Besides everything pictured here we also took a trip to San Antonio over labor day to see my brother and his family (Summer was 4wks old). It was so good to see them! He and his wife Audrey are expecting their second child Bethany any day now and we are SO excited! Bj and I also started a new semester of college. I am home with Summer but taking two classes online. We have also been to two birthday parties and as you saw.. spent the night in the NICU. All in all this is such a blessed time in our life! Summer is growing more and more everyday! (MUCH TOO FAST!) She looks a lot like me.. and my dad from what I hear! She has bright blues eyes and we are pretty sure that they are not going to turn brown! lol Lillie is enjoying her and tells EVERYONE that Summer is HER little sister and that we are keeping her! lol As for me.. I am so thankful that God has protected my children. I have never been as scared as I was when Summer choked and I know that God was right there with me giving me wisdom and reminding me of what I needed to do. God has reminded me the life is uncertain! I need to continue to pray for my girls EVERYDAY and teach them the Love of God while I can. We are not promised tomorrow, but man I pray that God gives it to us!

He knows my name...

I had such an amazing day at church yesterday. There is a song that means so much to me, 'He knows my name.' I looked down at the bulletin and saw that we would sing that song during prayer time and I couldnt help but tear up. I was flooded with memories from the last 2 years.
I remember when BJ and I first began to try for another baby. I was so hopeful that it would be easy... after about 6 months I went to the Dr and discovered that, like before I had Lillie, I was not ovulating. I remember crying on the phone with Bj at the drs bad news and us deciding to try the medicine. That sunday at church they played this song. The song says, "I have a Father who calls me his own, He'll never leave me, no matter where I go. He knows my name, he knows my every thought. He see's each tear that falls, and hears me when I call... He hears me when I call." I cried that day. It seems that I would hear the song over and over in this time of our life... I was mourning my inability to have another child. I knew that God could see my tears and hear my call and I wondered what He was thinking... what plans He had. Then we found out we were pregnant and when the Dr told us the baby wouldnt make it we were both so devistated. I remember being at church and during prayer time they played THIS song. I cried at the alter for my baby and for me.
Now, all these months later I found myself sitting in church crying again. I am just hours from having my little Summer Rose. The second blessed gift from God that I have wept and prayed for all these many many months. I used to hear the song and cry for Gods mercy on me. I would cry for His help and a way out of my situation. Now, I cried out of complete thankfulness.
He does know my name. He DOES know my every thought. He DOES see my tears. He DOES hear me when I call. I am so amazed and so grateful for our God. Through this journey I have come to understand the sovereignty of God, and I have come to understand what it feels like to be held by him.

Lord, I thank you. You have given me such an amazing life that is filled with Love. You have blessed me with an amazing family that I adore. I know that no matter what happens I will always love you and you will always love me. I can feel you with me in this time, and I thank you for protecting me and Summer through this pregnancy. Thank you for growing her and for taking her to full term. Tomorrow as we go to the hospital to have her, I ask that you continue to protect us. Surround me Lord in your peace. Be with Bj and I as we welcome this tiny blessing. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for hearing my cries. I love you.

A letter for Summer

I got a call from the Dr's office today. They told me that they finally have a scheduled date for your arrival. August 3rd. I am currently wrapped in a world of emotion. First of all being complete thankfulness to God for carrying me through this pregnancy with very little complications.
I want you to know how special you are to me. It will probably be a while (most likely not until you have your own child) before you understand how much I prayed and desired you before you were ever even conceived. I have loved you every second since the day I decided I would like to try for another baby. Today, 2 weeks before your scheduled date of arrival, I love you even more and can not WAIT to see you face to face.
I like to dream of you... to lay in bed and imagine what your face will look like.. if you will have dark beautiful brown eyes like your sister Lillie or if you will have light blue/hazel eyes like me. Will your hair be brown or blond.. or will it be red like my mothers side of the family. Will you love to dance and sing or will you be sporty and talkative? It doesn't really matter because I will love you just the way you are.
I want you to know that you are so unique and important in this family and in this world. God has made you perfectly and He has set in motion a plan for you that you could not even imagine. I pray that I can be the mother He has called me to be. That I can guide you and show you all the things you will need to know. I pray that I have LOTS of time with you and that our time together is filled with love and understanding.
Summer you have an amazing older sister who loves you and has been waiting on you. I want you to know that no matter what happens in this life Lillie does love you, and so does your daddy and I.
Speaking of your dad. He is so excited to have another little girl come into his life! He has been talking to you since the day we found out I was pregnant. He prays for you EVERYDAY! He loves you SO much! We all do.
I love you Summer Rose Cobb. I can not wait to hold you and kiss you and show you off to the world. Always hold your head up high! You are a daughter of the King... a princess in the highest courts!
See you soon my love...

101 in 1001

Ok, So I am stealing this idea from Denise but I LOVED it! What you do is make a list of 101 things you want to accomplish in 1001 days. Well, the first thing I had to do was figure out how long that is! Ok so apparently that is 2 yrs and 271 days; which puts the finishing date (starting tom) at March 12th, 2013! Which seems like a long time but really not that long at all! :)
Ok so here goes!

1. Clean out Summer's room
2. Paint her room
3. Have EVERYTHING finished by the time she comes home
4. Make a 5yr photo DVD for mine and Bjs anniversary! (June 26th THIS year!)
5. Buy Lillie a Big Sister cake and throw her a little party
6. Catch up on Lillies scrapbook
7. Start and keep up with Summers scrapbook
8. Organize my cabinets
9. Organize my closets
10. Make a choir list
11. Follow the list EVERYDAY for a month!
12. Put Lillie in tumbling
13. Put Lillie in Karate
14. Keep Lillie in swim lessons
15. Do water babies with Summer
16. Pass ALL my classes!
17. Be ready to graduate!
18. Put Summer in dance
19. Go on a family vacation
20. Go on a couple vacation with Bj :)
21. Take Lillie to the children's museum
22. Take the girls to the beach
23. Have Bj teach Lillie how to Surf
24. Get Bj a new surf board
25. Get Lillie a surf board
26. Loose 75 pounds
27. Work out 3 days a week for 2 months
28. Keep Lillie in one activity at all times. (like tumbling, soccer, swim, ect)
29. Treat my number 2 like shes my number 1 (there is an article in the parenting mag about it..)
30. Get Kobi fixed
31. Either get Maizee fixed or find her a home
32. Get Summers pictures made every month her first year
33. Give Lillie a party at Sweet and Sassy (5th bday)
34. Take Lillie to the ballet (when shes 5)
35. Have a date night once a week for a month
36. Start a devotional and actually finish the WHOLE thing
37. Do a quiet time EVERY day for a month
38. either fix my camera or buy a new one
39. Get closer to ALL my sisters (Kim, Lisa, Judy, Audrey)
40. Go see Bjs grandmother at least twice a year
41. Make friends with a mom who has a child Summers age
42. Try to do a play date at least twice a month
43. Start a savings account for Lillie and Summer (and DONT TOUCH IT!)
44. Get on a budget and stick with it for a year
45. Cook diner 6 nights a week for a month
46. Teach Lillie to read
47. Pray about adopting a child after I graduate
48. Get the house ready to sell
49. Be open to all the possibilities
50. landscape our yard
51. Buy the girls a new outside play house
52. Pay all of our bills ON TIME for 6 months
53. Allow Bj to take over the bills and actually let him do it
54. Write Bj a note once a week for a year
55. Keep a log of all the special things we do each day
56. Write letters to my girls
57. Tell the people I love what they mean to me every time I see them
58. Find a good preschool and day school for the girls
59. Pray about where to send Lillie to kindergarten
60. Make a savings account and build it to have a three month salary
61. Buy a new (or new to us) car
62. Support Bj in all of his endeavors
63. Do something super special for each of our parents every year
64. Pray for someone different everyday (they can be repeated)
65. Teach my girls the importance of prayer
66. Memorize a new scripture every week
67. Spend at least 30 minutes with each child (by themselves) every day (unless I am super sick or out of town)
68. Call my brother for no reason once a month
69. If ever Bj says he wants something.. work on getting it for him.
70. Attend a ladies bible study
71. Find a marriage retreat and go on it
72. Take my vitamin and give the girls theirs EVERYDAY
73. Update Lillies baby book
74. Keep up with Summers baby book
75. Pick a song that I love to sing to Summer that is special and JUST for her
76. Pray with Lillie and Summer everyday
77. Read to them everyday
78. Have someone over once a month for 6 months
79. Put in new floors
80. Paint my bedroom and bathroom
81. NOT complain about anything for a week
82. Actually do my homework (including reading assignments)
83. Encourage my family and friends EVERY time I talk to them
84. Not talk bad about anyone for a week
85. Not tell someone I will do something and not do it (including Lil, Summer and Bj)
86. Volunteer with a charity at least twice a year
87. Get a new breakfast table
88. Go on a mission trip with Bj
89. Take the girls to SeaWorld
90. Go to South Padre
91. Read the Bible all the way through
92. Lead someone to Christ
93. Do a 100ft free fall
94. Finish a 5k
95. Go camping
96. Learn to Surf
97. Take a sign language class
98. Donate bone marrow
99. Donate blood every quarter (after done with baby/breast feeding)
100. Get rid of old toys before every birthday and Christmas
101. Sing at Church :)

wow.. this list seems like a lot.. maybe even a little extreme at times. But why not? There is nothing stopping me but me and I pray that I get rid of all the weights that are holding me back! Lord, help me accomplish all my goals!

The home stretch...

Well, it has been another long gap since I posted last. The last couple months (since the begining of April) have been sooo crazy hectic for Bj and I. We just finished this semester of school... and let me tell you, I am GLAD it is over! Going to school and walking around campus big and preggo and tough.. at least a lot tougher than I thought it would be. Not to mention sometimes my blood pressure drops when I walk and I feel like I am going to pass out. Anywho... I did not do as good as I would have hoped this semester.. in fact I did TERRIBLE. However, I am still praising the Lord that it is over and I made it all the way to the end without doing what I wanted to do, quit.

I am very proud of Bj also.. he had to take a History class that was only 9wks long and it was really tough. 3 Quizes a week plus major tests every two weeks. He works so hard and busted his butt in that class. He didnt get the grade he wanted but he passed and I am proud! :)

Lillie is doing great also. The last couple months of her school were very stressful for us also. She has picked up self soothing (puts her blanket under her and rocks or 'humps' it while trying to fall asleep) and does it when she either isnt very tired or is uncomfortable. So she was doing it at school during nap time. This caused all sorts of problems. Obviously to an adult it looks terrible.. but to her it just makes her feel better.. she is 3. Not a pervert. Anyway.. I struggled with whether or not to pull her out of school and it was such a trying time. I had to meet with the schools director to discuss what we should do about her actions and it was so humiliating. The dr assures me that he actions are normal and that we just need to make it clear to her that she can only do it at home in her own room. Her wed class was causing the most problems so I dropped it and she did SOO much better after that. We prayed a lot about keeping her in the school, but after she started to do better we were glad we left her in. She loves school so much. Yesterday was the last day for the year and last night Lillies class got to sing on stage. It was the CUTEST thing ever! Lillie was SO good.. I was worried that she would be shy onstage but it was just the opposite, when she saw that the whole church was full of people, and she was onstage.. she lite up! She was the sassiest little thing I have ever seen and if I do say so myself the BEST one! :) I am sooo proud! Unfortunantly, we tried to record her and it didnt work :( I am going to have to try and find someone who has it on film because it was adorable! (I will post pics later) So now our break has begun. Lillie has a dance recital the first weekend in June and I cannot WAIT to see her dance onstage! :) Then she starts swim classes June 7th. She LOVES to swim and this will be her first year to swim without mommy... I dont know if Im happy about this or not.. my baby is growing up too fast!

As far as the other baby in my life goes we are in the final stretch! As of today I am 28wks 6 days pregnant. I went to the Dr yesterday and I was having some concerns with feeling the baby move so they did an ultrasound.. she was SO beautiful! She is now 2lbs 11oz and is growing perfectly! We are starting to accumulate stuff for her room and making a list of all the things we need to do. As soon as my mom is done with school we are going to rearrange the house and paint! Right now we have the babies furniture... Bjs mom bought us the crib and baby mattress, and my mom bought the dresser and bedding set! :) So after we paint we can set up the room! This is pictures of what we have.. (obviously not OURS but none the less)

Sorry these pictures are so fuzzy... apparently you are not suppose to save them.

This is the room ...

I am hoping it will turn out like this :)

Our set is cherry wood also. It looks like Summer to me. Not the season but the child.. its bright and cheerie and reminds me new life. :)

I am excited we are preparing for my baby shower! :) My mom has been just amazing through all of this. She told me, "Stephanie this may be the last baby you ever have and we are going to have exactly what you want... we are going to have a shower and celebrate this baby!" The shower is going to be June 12th and I am so excited! We got our first surprise gift from Bjs aunt and cousin in the mail this week. My bouncer and baby book! I LOVE them! I am so happy that they thought of us! The closer we get the more excited I get. I can not wait to see my precious baby girl!

We found out yesterday (yes it was a GREAT day!) that my brother and Audrey are also having a baby girl!!! Bethany Hope Morris! :) I am sooo happy for them! Summer and Bethany will be 2 months apart and I am hoping they will be the best of friends! So far my parents have ALL granddaughters and I think that is absolutely perfect! :)

Something not so great is happening right now too... we are fixing our A/C (which is good) in our car. The good/bad part is that we found a place that will take payments. It is costing us about 1800 and we are having to pay $540 today... $540 the next two months and then $260 the last month... :( I know that God will make a way. It is pretty scary to have such a big note to have to pay. Expecially at this time in our life, but I know that somehow God will provide. :) We have gotten a little help from some family and that is great! This payment will take every dime from our bank account BUT God provided Bj a side job to do tomorrow that will pay $150. :) God always makes a way!

I am so happy in this season of my life. Its funny because, we are by no means rich, and yet I feel like the most blessed woman on earth! I have the most amazing husband EVER. He takes care of us both financially and spiritually. I love him soooo much. We are all healthy and God makes sure that we have all our needs met. Having a single income is hard and instead of Bj telling me to stop going to school and get a job (something I have considered) he encourages me to keep going and believes God to meet our needs. He just finished doing the Love Dare. I didnt know he had done it but he did... EVERY day for forty days he sought God about being a better husband for me. Just typing that makes me cry. I am so thankful for a man that truely loves me and seeks God for our family! :)

Thank You Jesus for my family! Thank you for always being here for us and for supplying our every need! Thank you for the people that you have used to bless us in this time. I pray you continue to protect Bj EVERY day when he is at work. I also ask that you continue to gaurd my children and protect them. Grow them in your love. I love you and cannot thank you enough for each and every breath I breathe!

Spring Blessings

Well, I can not believe I skipped over March and never posted anything. I had intended to but time seemed to get away from me. My what a month we have had!

On the 17th we went in for our ultrasound. We prayed HARD that God would let us find out the sex of the baby and BOOM there she was... perfectly positioned and not shy about showing us that she was a girl! :) We are so excited to have another little angel coming! :) It took us a few excited nervous weeks to chose a name but we have one..... Summer Rose! We are so happy to have a name to call our baby! I am so excited for this time in our lives! Bj is so happy! He talks to the baby all the time and tells me how happy he is. I am so glad that God has made us fall in love with little Summer even before she is born!

Bj and I celebrated our birthdays this past week. He turned 33 on the 25th of March and I turned 26 April 1st. Where does the time go? I am so happy to say that I have spent 6 birthdays with the love of my life. :) We had a great birthday weekend. It is amazing how God grows us in Him and through that binds us together with our spouses. Bj is definantly my better half and I can not wait for many more happy birthdays with him!

Well to change the subject to the other tiny angle in my life.. Lillie turned three this past saturday! :) I can not believe she is already three years old. She has became such a little doll and I love her so much! We have settled into a good night time routine with her where she picks the book and either Bj or I read them to her by her bed. This is AFTER her daddy lillie ONLY dance time that she INSISTS he have with her every night when he gets home! She is such a breath of life to us! Her party went well.. despite my nervousness! She had a really good time! Thank you so much to all of you who came! I know I am bias but she is definantly worth celebrating! I thank God for these past 3 years with her!

Well.. yesterday was Easter Sunday! I LOVE EASTER! We had an amazing church service! The play was SO good.. I cried watching it! I love how God can show us knew things in stories we have heard so many times we can tell them ourselves. He is constantly revealing His love for us, and man do I need that love! After church Bj and I took Lillie back to the lake and barbqued. It was nice and relaxing. Then my parents came out for a bit and took Lillie home with them so we could clean up. After everyone left we threw on our swim suits and swam in the lake like we were kids. I love Bj so much. He is so loving and spontanious. I really could not picture my life without him. :) Well after that we picked up Lillie and came home in time to watch my FAVORITE sunday show... Extreme Home Makeover which was AWESOME this week! It showed people the heart behind Adoption. I pray that God opens doors for adoption in our future. I know that Bj and I both have that desire. We also know that the timing is not right at this moment, but when it is I pray that God shows us and that we have the courage to walk the path he has for us!

This year has been filled with so many blessings. We heard a message a couple weeks ago that said, 'the winter is OVER!' And I think it truly is... God has put Spring in my life and I thank Him for all these new beginings!

Growing

Well.. it is the middle of Feb and I am feeling great!

There is not a whole lot of 'new' stuff going on life is getting to be pretty steady, and that is how I like it. Bj and I had a wonderful Valentines weekend. Friday night started off a bit rushed and we were a little agitated. I took Lillie to her dance class where she cried the ENTIRE time and for the first time since starting dace, refused to do a single step. This made me frazzled to say the least. Then I went to pick up Bj and we went to get Lillie a happy meal. I had brought him some clothes and he went in to change.. only to realize that I had brought MY pants instead of his. : Luckily, his work pants matched the shirt I brought (thank you LORD!) lol Talk about a preggo moment lol. Then we rushed Lillie over to the church for parents night out. Bj and I hate rushing. After we dropped her off we were both annoyed. Bj looked at me and was like lets not let this ruin our night. So... we went to Saltgrass and had a GREAT time. Its funny how the devil tries to steal your joy sometimes. It is really as easy as saying. NO. I am not going to be in a bad mood. Once we said that our night was AMAZING! :)

We helped Denise and Aj move into their new apartment this month! I am so happy for them. I remember the feeling Bj and I had when we moved and that same excitement was in the air. I am so proud of them for taking this step! I love you guys!!!

School is going good. I am liking my classes (so far) and start my observation hours next week! For a bit I will have TONS of work to complete. I am looking forward to it though. Its kind of exciting to be at this stage of my school. :)

As of lately the thing that has been taking most of our time is picking out baby names. We just cannot settle one a certain name. I am confident though that we are getting closer. I am 16 weeks pregnant. I can not believe it has been 16 weeks. Even if it does feel at times to be DRAGGING ON I am definantly growing... lol. I still am in aww of the life growing inside me. :) I feel tons better to be in the second trimester. It takes a lot of stress off me even though God is the only garantee in this life. I have been very blessed. Not only do I have a miracle baby inside me but I have not been sick. (at least its VERY rare) I went to the Dr the 17th and the baby's heart beat was strong. The dr said I am doign great. :) I scheduled my ultrasound appointment for March 17th (St Patricks Day) and Bj and I are SO excited. I hope we can easily see what the baby is.

Lillie is doing good. Her birthday is comming up (april 3rd) and she askes me EVERY day... "Mom is it my birthday? Is it April turd?" She is getting so big! I can not believe she is almost 3. She keeps telling me the baby is a girl.. lol.. we will see. She is really enjoying her school this year and LOVES her teachers. She is also doing great in her dance class. Her new favorite thing to do is make the biggest mess she can! She has started cleaning up a bit better though. Overall, I am so proud of my big girl! :)

"Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." 1 Chron 16:34

Safe

I have been trying to figure out what the name of this song is. When I first found out that I was pregnant and we thought we might loose the baby I heard this song. For some reason it has made such an impact on me. If only I could get to the place of letting myself go and allowing God to hold me in his arms. When I saw the ultrasound or our baby it was a miracle. Later when I heard this song I was reminded of the heart beat in the ultrasound. This tiny baby that was not even refered to AS a baby yet.. had a very tiny.. very precious heart beat and my God was holding our babys heart safe in His hands the entire time! PRAISE THE LORD!



Daniel 5:23 "... honor the God that holds in His hand your life and all your ways."

I was going to add the song SAFE by Phil Wickham to my playlist but unfortunantly its too new and they do not have it yet. :( So... I was going to write all the words but I decided I will just write this one line. Hopefully when you get a chance you will look this song up and listen to it! It has really blessed me.
"You will be safe in His arms 'cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart."

Well where to begin. Its Jan 12th, 2010. A new year. A new start. When I think about this year I cant help but feel a little bit of a rush. This is going to be a big year for us!

Bj and I have officially been together for 5yrs now. We will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this June and I could not be happier. I love him so much. I was thinking about him while straightening up the house today and I remember 5 yrs ago around this time. I was headed to a drs apt and I heard the song 'More than you'll ever know' by Watermark. I remember thinking how that was my song for Bj. I printed out the words to the song and had a plaque made for him that had the title on it. As I sit today five years later the words to the song take on a whole new meaning for me. Only God knows how often my wonderful man of God is down on his knees crying out to his beloved Father for me and our family. Bj has been more than my best friend, more than my lover, more than my husband.. he has been more to me than he will ever know!

I love you BJ!

I have also been thinking a lot about Lillie. I know that a lot will change for her this year. She is turning three in April, and becoming a big sister at the end of the summer. I look at this beautiful little girl that completely changed mine and Bjs life and I am SO in love with her! I remember Bj and I crying in the hospital room holding her right after she was born. My beautiful little miracle. She has grown to be so much more wonderful than I could have imagined. She is so smart and gifted. She has a way of saying the funniest sweetest little things that just brighten my day. I wonder if things with us will still be the same after the baby is born. Will she know how much I wanted this baby JUST for her.. just so she would never be alone. I watch her play by herself and wish there was another child beside her keeping her company. I love her so much. The other night I had a dream that she drowned.. I know that it was a horrible attack of the enemy. I was so shaken by this dream. My love for her is so strong and I pray Gods hand of protection on her. I never want to see anything bad happen to her.

She is starting dance class this coming up Friday. I am so excited for her. She loves to dance with Barbie and the nutcracker and she does pretty good! :) My baby is growing up. But she will ALWAYS be my baby.

My classes start back up next week. YEP my break is almost over. Last semester the stresses of life and all we were going through both physically and financially put a HUGE toll on my grades. I had the worst semester I could have ever had. Now going in to this new semester I know that I can not let that happen again. I pray that God gives me wisdom and diligence to do the work and finish with a smile .. knowing I did my best. Sometimes I think we need to be reminded of why we are doing things. I had a close relative of ours tell us over Christmas that I should not teach, that it was ok for me to get my degree but that my place was at home with my family. As much as I respect this person and love this person. I do feel that he was/is VERY wrong. I am becoming a teacher FOR my family and my children, not to take something away from them. The timing in my life could not be more perfect for what I am trying to do. My babies will be at school age and almost at school age when I get my degree. I will have my summers off with them. I will have them delivered to my classroom in the afternoon to ride home with me and tell me about their day. I think it is the most perfect job for a mother to have. How else can I look in my daughters face and tell her that she can be ANYTHING she wants to be ... if I am not being what I feel I am called to be? I feel this was a wake up call to me. I think I lost focus on why I am doing what I am doing and that left me feeling lost. Thank you Lord for all the signs you send me every day. :)

I am 10wks pregnant this week. It is such a surreal feeling. A little scary and a lot overwhelming at times. I do not always feel pregnant. While I have grown faster with this pregnancy and I can already feel the baby lump with my hands.. I am not sick. I am not nauseated. Some women would call this a blessing and it is! However, when I was pregnant with Lillie being sick was a constant reassurance of my state. With this one I am reminded of the meaning of Faith... believing in the unseen, and having confidence in things we hope for. I am also having some name dilemmas. With Lillie naming her was easy. We knew from the start that if we had a girl she would be named Lillie after Bjs grandmother and Mae and me and my grandmother. We never could come up with a boys name (and didn't need one :) ) But this time.. I am at a loss... I have names that I like but when it comes down to finalizing that name I cant. Is it the RIGHT name. I am praying that in a couple months when we find out the sex I will be able to settle on a name. ( I guess we will have to!)

Bj and I will go to meet my new dr on the 20th and we will do another ultrasound then. I am excited about this time in our lives. I was considering moving but I changed my mind. Why move? I have all I need right here! We have plenty of room and we have memories here. I know we will move when I graduate so for right now.. I am just enjoying the season we are in.

Thank you Lord for all you have given me in this new year. I thank you for a wonderful husband and daughter that I adore! I ask that you protect them and keep them safe EVERY day! Father I ask that you open doors for our family this year. Give us direction and guidance in the paths we should take. I ask that you lead my family in all that we do. Lord, I thank you for keeping my new baby safe within me. Grow this child in health. I thank you for a full term baby that is perfect in your eyes. I thank you for my friends and family today. Bless them in all they day. Give them favor with the world and with all they do this year. I love you and ask that you help me be the wife and mother I need to be all the time. Thank you Lord for this life you have given me! I love you!

Amen