Wow... it has been a LONG time since I blogged. I guess it would sound good if I said I have been too busy or simply forgotten, but in truth I think I was waiting. Waiting until life was wonderful and all my prayers had been answered. Well... like the song says sometimes we just have to 'praise Him in this storm..'
Let me update on some of the stuff from my last blog. I tried Clomid to see if it would help me Ovulate. We didn't really have the money but I did it anyway. (Bjs job had cut his hours DRAMATICALLY and it was only by the grace of God and our wonderful family that we have been able to make it. Thankfully the hours are getting back to normal!) It was HORRIBLE! (back to the clomid) Some people say that it doesn't bother them, but I am not one of those people... I gained 20 lbs in a month! I was SO depressed and cried all the time. And the pain... I had SEVERE cramps and bloating... and to top it all off I STILL DIDN'T OVULATE! You can imagine my frustration.. At the end of the month I made a command decision. I decided to officially give it over to God. So... I stopped. I stopped the clomid. I stopped the temperature charts and the worry and the guilt and the feeling sorry for myself. I just STOPPED! And now.. its been over 3 NON-PREGNANT months later... and I am OK! I am falling more and more in love with Lillie and feeling SO blessed by her. God will give us another baby when HE wants to or you know what? Maybe we don't need one!?! I feel so much peace in this decision its not even funny! I understand what it means to wait upon the Lord. It means to LET GO.
Now that I have that out of the way I can move on to some other issues that have arose... I have found some things out about myself lately... one is I HATE biology! lol I am currently in the hardest semester of college I have ever taken. I am feeling the pressure of grades for the first time. I think for a while things were coming a bit too easily for me. Its funny how much you start relying on yourself instead of God when times are good. I think He is reminded me where my strength comes from.. and my brains for that matter! I recently took a biology test (my third) I failed the first two and prayed and studied like crazy for this one. I got an 86 and you know what. PRAISE THE LORD!
I know this blog is a big mess of thoughts but please try to bear with me! :)
I had some bad news yesterday. I finally made it into the ear doctor to check my hearing ( I have not been in five years.) The last time I went my hearing was slightly impaired (about 20%.) Well, apparently they are MUCH worse now. It seems that I have the hearing of an old person and they want me to get hearing aids. The Dr was also concerned with the speed of my loss... Not that I was surprised. I made the appointment because it is so hard for me at school.. I sit on the front row and STILL have problems. I have been making Bj put the words on the screen of our rented movies for over two years now and I can no longer hear the beeps from the thermometer. However, even with all these signs... listening to the Dr say it was heart breaking. As I tried on the aids in his office I fought back the tears.. even now... I am confused and filled with a sense of loss. I have not told any of you (except my mom.) about the hearing aids yet so... SURPRISE! :) The even more saddening part is that I can not afford the hearing aids right now. The ones that I like are about $3800. So they will have to wait. Please pray for me in this area.
I think to lighten it up I will leave you all with updates. Lillie started school again in September she LOVES it and is SO smart! I am very proud of her. She has some new friends and it is so awesome to pick her up and have her tell me about her day and actually use names of who did what in her class... simple but in the life of a child its a break through! I cut my hair and I LOVE IT! Oh and did I mention I am still madly in love with my sexy hubby? Well.. I am!
So here are some pictures....
On a spiritual note I have been having some songs speak to me lately... one of them is "How he loves us.." and another one we sang on Sunday and it goes
"Draw me Lord.... Draw me Lord... Draw me Lord... and Ill run after you..."
I feel the need to cry out to the Lord..
Father God, DRAW ME! Please... just draw me close to you! Let me sit on your lap and have comfort! I NEED to feel your loving arms around me holding me and telling me everything will be OK. Remind me that you are my keeper in times of uncertainty. You are my rock. My shelter. Me refuge. My healer. My deliverer. My lover. My father and my friend. Bless the person reading this, give them a hope in times of trouble and supply all their needs. I pray that you help me to be the witness and friend I need to be to all that I know. Help me to see the needs of the people around me and give me the ability to meet those needs. I love you and I ask that you help me to show you more often. In Jesus name, Amen.
“I sought the Lord and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
