101 in 1001

Ok, So I am stealing this idea from Denise but I LOVED it! What you do is make a list of 101 things you want to accomplish in 1001 days. Well, the first thing I had to do was figure out how long that is! Ok so apparently that is 2 yrs and 271 days; which puts the finishing date (starting tom) at March 12th, 2013! Which seems like a long time but really not that long at all! :)
Ok so here goes!

1. Clean out Summer's room
2. Paint her room
3. Have EVERYTHING finished by the time she comes home
4. Make a 5yr photo DVD for mine and Bjs anniversary! (June 26th THIS year!)
5. Buy Lillie a Big Sister cake and throw her a little party
6. Catch up on Lillies scrapbook
7. Start and keep up with Summers scrapbook
8. Organize my cabinets
9. Organize my closets
10. Make a choir list
11. Follow the list EVERYDAY for a month!
12. Put Lillie in tumbling
13. Put Lillie in Karate
14. Keep Lillie in swim lessons
15. Do water babies with Summer
16. Pass ALL my classes!
17. Be ready to graduate!
18. Put Summer in dance
19. Go on a family vacation
20. Go on a couple vacation with Bj :)
21. Take Lillie to the children's museum
22. Take the girls to the beach
23. Have Bj teach Lillie how to Surf
24. Get Bj a new surf board
25. Get Lillie a surf board
26. Loose 75 pounds
27. Work out 3 days a week for 2 months
28. Keep Lillie in one activity at all times. (like tumbling, soccer, swim, ect)
29. Treat my number 2 like shes my number 1 (there is an article in the parenting mag about it..)
30. Get Kobi fixed
31. Either get Maizee fixed or find her a home
32. Get Summers pictures made every month her first year
33. Give Lillie a party at Sweet and Sassy (5th bday)
34. Take Lillie to the ballet (when shes 5)
35. Have a date night once a week for a month
36. Start a devotional and actually finish the WHOLE thing
37. Do a quiet time EVERY day for a month
38. either fix my camera or buy a new one
39. Get closer to ALL my sisters (Kim, Lisa, Judy, Audrey)
40. Go see Bjs grandmother at least twice a year
41. Make friends with a mom who has a child Summers age
42. Try to do a play date at least twice a month
43. Start a savings account for Lillie and Summer (and DONT TOUCH IT!)
44. Get on a budget and stick with it for a year
45. Cook diner 6 nights a week for a month
46. Teach Lillie to read
47. Pray about adopting a child after I graduate
48. Get the house ready to sell
49. Be open to all the possibilities
50. landscape our yard
51. Buy the girls a new outside play house
52. Pay all of our bills ON TIME for 6 months
53. Allow Bj to take over the bills and actually let him do it
54. Write Bj a note once a week for a year
55. Keep a log of all the special things we do each day
56. Write letters to my girls
57. Tell the people I love what they mean to me every time I see them
58. Find a good preschool and day school for the girls
59. Pray about where to send Lillie to kindergarten
60. Make a savings account and build it to have a three month salary
61. Buy a new (or new to us) car
62. Support Bj in all of his endeavors
63. Do something super special for each of our parents every year
64. Pray for someone different everyday (they can be repeated)
65. Teach my girls the importance of prayer
66. Memorize a new scripture every week
67. Spend at least 30 minutes with each child (by themselves) every day (unless I am super sick or out of town)
68. Call my brother for no reason once a month
69. If ever Bj says he wants something.. work on getting it for him.
70. Attend a ladies bible study
71. Find a marriage retreat and go on it
72. Take my vitamin and give the girls theirs EVERYDAY
73. Update Lillies baby book
74. Keep up with Summers baby book
75. Pick a song that I love to sing to Summer that is special and JUST for her
76. Pray with Lillie and Summer everyday
77. Read to them everyday
78. Have someone over once a month for 6 months
79. Put in new floors
80. Paint my bedroom and bathroom
81. NOT complain about anything for a week
82. Actually do my homework (including reading assignments)
83. Encourage my family and friends EVERY time I talk to them
84. Not talk bad about anyone for a week
85. Not tell someone I will do something and not do it (including Lil, Summer and Bj)
86. Volunteer with a charity at least twice a year
87. Get a new breakfast table
88. Go on a mission trip with Bj
89. Take the girls to SeaWorld
90. Go to South Padre
91. Read the Bible all the way through
92. Lead someone to Christ
93. Do a 100ft free fall
94. Finish a 5k
95. Go camping
96. Learn to Surf
97. Take a sign language class
98. Donate bone marrow
99. Donate blood every quarter (after done with baby/breast feeding)
100. Get rid of old toys before every birthday and Christmas
101. Sing at Church :)

wow.. this list seems like a lot.. maybe even a little extreme at times. But why not? There is nothing stopping me but me and I pray that I get rid of all the weights that are holding me back! Lord, help me accomplish all my goals!

The home stretch...

Well, it has been another long gap since I posted last. The last couple months (since the begining of April) have been sooo crazy hectic for Bj and I. We just finished this semester of school... and let me tell you, I am GLAD it is over! Going to school and walking around campus big and preggo and tough.. at least a lot tougher than I thought it would be. Not to mention sometimes my blood pressure drops when I walk and I feel like I am going to pass out. Anywho... I did not do as good as I would have hoped this semester.. in fact I did TERRIBLE. However, I am still praising the Lord that it is over and I made it all the way to the end without doing what I wanted to do, quit.

I am very proud of Bj also.. he had to take a History class that was only 9wks long and it was really tough. 3 Quizes a week plus major tests every two weeks. He works so hard and busted his butt in that class. He didnt get the grade he wanted but he passed and I am proud! :)

Lillie is doing great also. The last couple months of her school were very stressful for us also. She has picked up self soothing (puts her blanket under her and rocks or 'humps' it while trying to fall asleep) and does it when she either isnt very tired or is uncomfortable. So she was doing it at school during nap time. This caused all sorts of problems. Obviously to an adult it looks terrible.. but to her it just makes her feel better.. she is 3. Not a pervert. Anyway.. I struggled with whether or not to pull her out of school and it was such a trying time. I had to meet with the schools director to discuss what we should do about her actions and it was so humiliating. The dr assures me that he actions are normal and that we just need to make it clear to her that she can only do it at home in her own room. Her wed class was causing the most problems so I dropped it and she did SOO much better after that. We prayed a lot about keeping her in the school, but after she started to do better we were glad we left her in. She loves school so much. Yesterday was the last day for the year and last night Lillies class got to sing on stage. It was the CUTEST thing ever! Lillie was SO good.. I was worried that she would be shy onstage but it was just the opposite, when she saw that the whole church was full of people, and she was onstage.. she lite up! She was the sassiest little thing I have ever seen and if I do say so myself the BEST one! :) I am sooo proud! Unfortunantly, we tried to record her and it didnt work :( I am going to have to try and find someone who has it on film because it was adorable! (I will post pics later) So now our break has begun. Lillie has a dance recital the first weekend in June and I cannot WAIT to see her dance onstage! :) Then she starts swim classes June 7th. She LOVES to swim and this will be her first year to swim without mommy... I dont know if Im happy about this or not.. my baby is growing up too fast!

As far as the other baby in my life goes we are in the final stretch! As of today I am 28wks 6 days pregnant. I went to the Dr yesterday and I was having some concerns with feeling the baby move so they did an ultrasound.. she was SO beautiful! She is now 2lbs 11oz and is growing perfectly! We are starting to accumulate stuff for her room and making a list of all the things we need to do. As soon as my mom is done with school we are going to rearrange the house and paint! Right now we have the babies furniture... Bjs mom bought us the crib and baby mattress, and my mom bought the dresser and bedding set! :) So after we paint we can set up the room! This is pictures of what we have.. (obviously not OURS but none the less)

Sorry these pictures are so fuzzy... apparently you are not suppose to save them.

This is the room ...

I am hoping it will turn out like this :)

Our set is cherry wood also. It looks like Summer to me. Not the season but the child.. its bright and cheerie and reminds me new life. :)

I am excited we are preparing for my baby shower! :) My mom has been just amazing through all of this. She told me, "Stephanie this may be the last baby you ever have and we are going to have exactly what you want... we are going to have a shower and celebrate this baby!" The shower is going to be June 12th and I am so excited! We got our first surprise gift from Bjs aunt and cousin in the mail this week. My bouncer and baby book! I LOVE them! I am so happy that they thought of us! The closer we get the more excited I get. I can not wait to see my precious baby girl!

We found out yesterday (yes it was a GREAT day!) that my brother and Audrey are also having a baby girl!!! Bethany Hope Morris! :) I am sooo happy for them! Summer and Bethany will be 2 months apart and I am hoping they will be the best of friends! So far my parents have ALL granddaughters and I think that is absolutely perfect! :)

Something not so great is happening right now too... we are fixing our A/C (which is good) in our car. The good/bad part is that we found a place that will take payments. It is costing us about 1800 and we are having to pay $540 today... $540 the next two months and then $260 the last month... :( I know that God will make a way. It is pretty scary to have such a big note to have to pay. Expecially at this time in our life, but I know that somehow God will provide. :) We have gotten a little help from some family and that is great! This payment will take every dime from our bank account BUT God provided Bj a side job to do tomorrow that will pay $150. :) God always makes a way!

I am so happy in this season of my life. Its funny because, we are by no means rich, and yet I feel like the most blessed woman on earth! I have the most amazing husband EVER. He takes care of us both financially and spiritually. I love him soooo much. We are all healthy and God makes sure that we have all our needs met. Having a single income is hard and instead of Bj telling me to stop going to school and get a job (something I have considered) he encourages me to keep going and believes God to meet our needs. He just finished doing the Love Dare. I didnt know he had done it but he did... EVERY day for forty days he sought God about being a better husband for me. Just typing that makes me cry. I am so thankful for a man that truely loves me and seeks God for our family! :)

Thank You Jesus for my family! Thank you for always being here for us and for supplying our every need! Thank you for the people that you have used to bless us in this time. I pray you continue to protect Bj EVERY day when he is at work. I also ask that you continue to gaurd my children and protect them. Grow them in your love. I love you and cannot thank you enough for each and every breath I breathe!

Spring Blessings

Well, I can not believe I skipped over March and never posted anything. I had intended to but time seemed to get away from me. My what a month we have had!

On the 17th we went in for our ultrasound. We prayed HARD that God would let us find out the sex of the baby and BOOM there she was... perfectly positioned and not shy about showing us that she was a girl! :) We are so excited to have another little angel coming! :) It took us a few excited nervous weeks to chose a name but we have one..... Summer Rose! We are so happy to have a name to call our baby! I am so excited for this time in our lives! Bj is so happy! He talks to the baby all the time and tells me how happy he is. I am so glad that God has made us fall in love with little Summer even before she is born!

Bj and I celebrated our birthdays this past week. He turned 33 on the 25th of March and I turned 26 April 1st. Where does the time go? I am so happy to say that I have spent 6 birthdays with the love of my life. :) We had a great birthday weekend. It is amazing how God grows us in Him and through that binds us together with our spouses. Bj is definantly my better half and I can not wait for many more happy birthdays with him!

Well to change the subject to the other tiny angle in my life.. Lillie turned three this past saturday! :) I can not believe she is already three years old. She has became such a little doll and I love her so much! We have settled into a good night time routine with her where she picks the book and either Bj or I read them to her by her bed. This is AFTER her daddy lillie ONLY dance time that she INSISTS he have with her every night when he gets home! She is such a breath of life to us! Her party went well.. despite my nervousness! She had a really good time! Thank you so much to all of you who came! I know I am bias but she is definantly worth celebrating! I thank God for these past 3 years with her!

Well.. yesterday was Easter Sunday! I LOVE EASTER! We had an amazing church service! The play was SO good.. I cried watching it! I love how God can show us knew things in stories we have heard so many times we can tell them ourselves. He is constantly revealing His love for us, and man do I need that love! After church Bj and I took Lillie back to the lake and barbqued. It was nice and relaxing. Then my parents came out for a bit and took Lillie home with them so we could clean up. After everyone left we threw on our swim suits and swam in the lake like we were kids. I love Bj so much. He is so loving and spontanious. I really could not picture my life without him. :) Well after that we picked up Lillie and came home in time to watch my FAVORITE sunday show... Extreme Home Makeover which was AWESOME this week! It showed people the heart behind Adoption. I pray that God opens doors for adoption in our future. I know that Bj and I both have that desire. We also know that the timing is not right at this moment, but when it is I pray that God shows us and that we have the courage to walk the path he has for us!

This year has been filled with so many blessings. We heard a message a couple weeks ago that said, 'the winter is OVER!' And I think it truly is... God has put Spring in my life and I thank Him for all these new beginings!

Growing

Well.. it is the middle of Feb and I am feeling great!

There is not a whole lot of 'new' stuff going on life is getting to be pretty steady, and that is how I like it. Bj and I had a wonderful Valentines weekend. Friday night started off a bit rushed and we were a little agitated. I took Lillie to her dance class where she cried the ENTIRE time and for the first time since starting dace, refused to do a single step. This made me frazzled to say the least. Then I went to pick up Bj and we went to get Lillie a happy meal. I had brought him some clothes and he went in to change.. only to realize that I had brought MY pants instead of his. : Luckily, his work pants matched the shirt I brought (thank you LORD!) lol Talk about a preggo moment lol. Then we rushed Lillie over to the church for parents night out. Bj and I hate rushing. After we dropped her off we were both annoyed. Bj looked at me and was like lets not let this ruin our night. So... we went to Saltgrass and had a GREAT time. Its funny how the devil tries to steal your joy sometimes. It is really as easy as saying. NO. I am not going to be in a bad mood. Once we said that our night was AMAZING! :)

We helped Denise and Aj move into their new apartment this month! I am so happy for them. I remember the feeling Bj and I had when we moved and that same excitement was in the air. I am so proud of them for taking this step! I love you guys!!!

School is going good. I am liking my classes (so far) and start my observation hours next week! For a bit I will have TONS of work to complete. I am looking forward to it though. Its kind of exciting to be at this stage of my school. :)

As of lately the thing that has been taking most of our time is picking out baby names. We just cannot settle one a certain name. I am confident though that we are getting closer. I am 16 weeks pregnant. I can not believe it has been 16 weeks. Even if it does feel at times to be DRAGGING ON I am definantly growing... lol. I still am in aww of the life growing inside me. :) I feel tons better to be in the second trimester. It takes a lot of stress off me even though God is the only garantee in this life. I have been very blessed. Not only do I have a miracle baby inside me but I have not been sick. (at least its VERY rare) I went to the Dr the 17th and the baby's heart beat was strong. The dr said I am doign great. :) I scheduled my ultrasound appointment for March 17th (St Patricks Day) and Bj and I are SO excited. I hope we can easily see what the baby is.

Lillie is doing good. Her birthday is comming up (april 3rd) and she askes me EVERY day... "Mom is it my birthday? Is it April turd?" She is getting so big! I can not believe she is almost 3. She keeps telling me the baby is a girl.. lol.. we will see. She is really enjoying her school this year and LOVES her teachers. She is also doing great in her dance class. Her new favorite thing to do is make the biggest mess she can! She has started cleaning up a bit better though. Overall, I am so proud of my big girl! :)

"Give Thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever." 1 Chron 16:34

Safe

I have been trying to figure out what the name of this song is. When I first found out that I was pregnant and we thought we might loose the baby I heard this song. For some reason it has made such an impact on me. If only I could get to the place of letting myself go and allowing God to hold me in his arms. When I saw the ultrasound or our baby it was a miracle. Later when I heard this song I was reminded of the heart beat in the ultrasound. This tiny baby that was not even refered to AS a baby yet.. had a very tiny.. very precious heart beat and my God was holding our babys heart safe in His hands the entire time! PRAISE THE LORD!



Daniel 5:23 "... honor the God that holds in His hand your life and all your ways."

I was going to add the song SAFE by Phil Wickham to my playlist but unfortunantly its too new and they do not have it yet. :( So... I was going to write all the words but I decided I will just write this one line. Hopefully when you get a chance you will look this song up and listen to it! It has really blessed me.
"You will be safe in His arms 'cause the hands that hold the world are holding your heart."

Well where to begin. Its Jan 12th, 2010. A new year. A new start. When I think about this year I cant help but feel a little bit of a rush. This is going to be a big year for us!

Bj and I have officially been together for 5yrs now. We will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary this June and I could not be happier. I love him so much. I was thinking about him while straightening up the house today and I remember 5 yrs ago around this time. I was headed to a drs apt and I heard the song 'More than you'll ever know' by Watermark. I remember thinking how that was my song for Bj. I printed out the words to the song and had a plaque made for him that had the title on it. As I sit today five years later the words to the song take on a whole new meaning for me. Only God knows how often my wonderful man of God is down on his knees crying out to his beloved Father for me and our family. Bj has been more than my best friend, more than my lover, more than my husband.. he has been more to me than he will ever know!

I love you BJ!

I have also been thinking a lot about Lillie. I know that a lot will change for her this year. She is turning three in April, and becoming a big sister at the end of the summer. I look at this beautiful little girl that completely changed mine and Bjs life and I am SO in love with her! I remember Bj and I crying in the hospital room holding her right after she was born. My beautiful little miracle. She has grown to be so much more wonderful than I could have imagined. She is so smart and gifted. She has a way of saying the funniest sweetest little things that just brighten my day. I wonder if things with us will still be the same after the baby is born. Will she know how much I wanted this baby JUST for her.. just so she would never be alone. I watch her play by herself and wish there was another child beside her keeping her company. I love her so much. The other night I had a dream that she drowned.. I know that it was a horrible attack of the enemy. I was so shaken by this dream. My love for her is so strong and I pray Gods hand of protection on her. I never want to see anything bad happen to her.

She is starting dance class this coming up Friday. I am so excited for her. She loves to dance with Barbie and the nutcracker and she does pretty good! :) My baby is growing up. But she will ALWAYS be my baby.

My classes start back up next week. YEP my break is almost over. Last semester the stresses of life and all we were going through both physically and financially put a HUGE toll on my grades. I had the worst semester I could have ever had. Now going in to this new semester I know that I can not let that happen again. I pray that God gives me wisdom and diligence to do the work and finish with a smile .. knowing I did my best. Sometimes I think we need to be reminded of why we are doing things. I had a close relative of ours tell us over Christmas that I should not teach, that it was ok for me to get my degree but that my place was at home with my family. As much as I respect this person and love this person. I do feel that he was/is VERY wrong. I am becoming a teacher FOR my family and my children, not to take something away from them. The timing in my life could not be more perfect for what I am trying to do. My babies will be at school age and almost at school age when I get my degree. I will have my summers off with them. I will have them delivered to my classroom in the afternoon to ride home with me and tell me about their day. I think it is the most perfect job for a mother to have. How else can I look in my daughters face and tell her that she can be ANYTHING she wants to be ... if I am not being what I feel I am called to be? I feel this was a wake up call to me. I think I lost focus on why I am doing what I am doing and that left me feeling lost. Thank you Lord for all the signs you send me every day. :)

I am 10wks pregnant this week. It is such a surreal feeling. A little scary and a lot overwhelming at times. I do not always feel pregnant. While I have grown faster with this pregnancy and I can already feel the baby lump with my hands.. I am not sick. I am not nauseated. Some women would call this a blessing and it is! However, when I was pregnant with Lillie being sick was a constant reassurance of my state. With this one I am reminded of the meaning of Faith... believing in the unseen, and having confidence in things we hope for. I am also having some name dilemmas. With Lillie naming her was easy. We knew from the start that if we had a girl she would be named Lillie after Bjs grandmother and Mae and me and my grandmother. We never could come up with a boys name (and didn't need one :) ) But this time.. I am at a loss... I have names that I like but when it comes down to finalizing that name I cant. Is it the RIGHT name. I am praying that in a couple months when we find out the sex I will be able to settle on a name. ( I guess we will have to!)

Bj and I will go to meet my new dr on the 20th and we will do another ultrasound then. I am excited about this time in our lives. I was considering moving but I changed my mind. Why move? I have all I need right here! We have plenty of room and we have memories here. I know we will move when I graduate so for right now.. I am just enjoying the season we are in.

Thank you Lord for all you have given me in this new year. I thank you for a wonderful husband and daughter that I adore! I ask that you protect them and keep them safe EVERY day! Father I ask that you open doors for our family this year. Give us direction and guidance in the paths we should take. I ask that you lead my family in all that we do. Lord, I thank you for keeping my new baby safe within me. Grow this child in health. I thank you for a full term baby that is perfect in your eyes. I thank you for my friends and family today. Bless them in all they day. Give them favor with the world and with all they do this year. I love you and ask that you help me be the wife and mother I need to be all the time. Thank you Lord for this life you have given me! I love you!

Amen

A Christmas Miracle

On Sunday December 6th I woke up and felt an incredible urge to take a pregnancy test. This is not the first time this has happened. In fact since last August (2008) I have taken about 13 pregnancy tests. That is when we some what began trying and officially began in Oct of 08. Anyway, That Sunday morning was a bit different. I had been plagued with lack of sleep the night before. I got out my baby name book (that I keep on my night stand for easy access) and began rummaging the pages. I NEVER test before the 20th of each month, so I had already begun to tell myself to chill out! However, not five minutes later I found myself ripping open a new test. It was one of those expensive ones that read NOT PREGNANT or PREGNANT. I had taken one on the twentieth of November and was not surprised to see the NOT PREGNANT sign glare at me. I held the test in my hand and whispered a prayer "God, PLEASE make a miracle!" Not even a minute later the PREGNANT sign lite up right before my eyes. I could not believe it. I ran to the bedroom door and called BJ to "COME QUICK!" He ran over to me and I showed him. We both laughed and cried and praised God! I could not believe it!

On December 8th I went to my first doctors appointment. I had not ovulated in about a year and had not had a period in over 4 months so I had no idea how far along I was. All I knew was that I took a pregnancy test on Nov 20th and that it was negative. The dr ordered an ultrasound and We couldn't see anything except and empty sac. The ultrasound tech told me that without an actual baby it would be impossible to know how far along I was. Dr. McAfee then ordered a blood test. He told me, "Stephanie this may be a bad pregnancy so I am gonna have your hCG levels checked to find out what is going on." We scheduled another ultrasound for 2 weeks later just to double check. The next day they called me and told me that the blood test was bad and I needed to come back in on Thursday the 10th to talk to the Dr. I was devastated. Bj was positive and told me that maybe I just needed to take some hormone pills.

Bj, Lillie and I arrived at the Dr right on time. The wait in the waiting room was AGONY but nothing could have prepared us for the news we would hear. When we came into Dr McAfees office I could tell right away that things were not good. He told us that my hCG was less than 5 and that the baby was not going to make it. He then explained how I could either go home and wait for my body to "abort the baby" or he could do a dnc to remove the baby. Bj and I were SHOCKED! "umm... cant we just wait?" I said. The Dr could tell we were more than shaken and he told me to go home and come back for my ultrasound and if I had not miscarried by then we would discuss removing the baby more. As I walked out of the office holding Bjs hand I began to sob. It was a cry that I have never cried before. I wept for my baby. I cried the entire way home and for a long while after wards. I remember just lying on my bed sobbing uncontrollably. BJ came in and set by me. He said "Honey this is not over! We are not accepting that bad report!" That night I could not sleep at all. I got up and researched hCG levels.. what was normal.. what was not.. what did it mean? I found out something interesting. A person HAD to have a hCG level HIGHER than 5 in order for a test to read positive.. in fact some websites said Higher that 40!.. I Ran into the bathroom and grabbed another pregnancy test. It was positive. What did this mean???? Was my blood test bad? I was so confused.

Over the next week or so I began to seek God for answers. I told Pastor Paula (our pastors wife) what was going on in the midst of all my turmoil. She looked at my tear soaked face and told me a story. She said, " When Jacob was told that his son Joseph had died the bible says that no one could console him. That he was overcame with grief for more than 2 years. But Joseph was never dead, he was alive. Later when they found him he was working for the king and actually helped save them in their time of trouble." She said,"God had a plan for Joseph! DON'T waste time in sorrow... when God has a plan for you!" She was right. I was wasting my time mourning my child. But my child was not dead! I then decided that until I SAW a miscarriage.. my baby was ALIVE! I began to praise God for the life that is inside me! I would say over and over, "Thank you Lord that my child will live and not die! Thank you Lord for health in my body. Thank you Lord that this baby will go full term!" Bj and I began to stand on the promises of God. It was not easy.

I learned so much about myself in these last two weeks. I learned how simply amazing my husband is. I am so blessed to have him beside me. He is my strength when I have non.. he holds my hands up. I also learned how great some of my friends are. I did not tell a lot of people about what was going on. In fact besides Bj I told 4. I needed to spill out what was going on but I also needed someone to call me and see how I was. To help be my strength when Bj wasn't around. And they did! Thank you to those that have loved me in such a special way through this time! It means more to me than you will ever know. For those of you that I did not tell.. it was not because I don't love you. Its because I could not bare to tell you I was pregnant and have to go back and tell you later that I was not.

On Monday the 21st I had made up my mind that the blood test was false. I called the Drs office and asked the nurse if I could go ahead and take another blood test that day so that when I came in for my apt on wed the results would be in. She asked the dr and came back saying, "umm Dr McAfee wasn't going to order another blood test for you. He doesn't think you need one." I could tell they thought I was insane... "PLEASE!" I said, " I really feel like the test was not right and I want to redo the same test again.. just to be sure." She asked the dr and came back, "Ok, come pick up the order." I was so relieved... then really nervous. I knew God wanted me to pray over my blood. I am not big on stepping out so this was hard for me. I left Lillie with my mom and headed to the blood center. When I got in to take my test it was the same woman who had taken my blood two weeks earlier. After she had taken the two tubes of blood I asked her ... "Would it be ok if I prayed over my blood?" She looked at me surprised... "umm Sure! Do you want to hold it?" I smiled, "yes!" So I took the blood and said a prayer. I prayed that God would give me the results I was looking for. I also prayed that God would bless this woman and all the people who would be working that night to test my blood. I was invigorated! It was like I was sailing with Jesus! I called Bj and told him what I did!

The count down... From that moment until wed at 9:15 felt like the LONGEST day and a half of my life. Finally it was here. Wed morning. I was sitting in the waiting room just crazy nervous. When Bj sent me a text.. "I love you, Our baby will be fine!" I sighed... man I love him! He was right.. why was I so scared? We had already claimed this baby would live and not die! When the ultrasound tech called me back I jumped up! Walking through the door I saw Dr Mc talking to her.. he was smiling SOO big... he looked at me and said "Stephanie this is a good pregnancy! I think the baby is going to make it!" My heart jumped! "I have been praying and praying Dr Mcafee!"
When I saw the baby on the screen I began to cry. THANK YOU LORD! I told the ultrasound lady (which I guess I should have asked her name but never did) "This has been the longest two weeks of my life.. but that is my baby! My miracle baby! God is so good!"
Later in Dr McAfees office he told me that I was right that the blood test was false. He said that even though he NEVER sees this happen the lab must have made a mistake. But I know it was God... He showed himself to me this month.

Thank you Lord for the blessings in my life. Thank you for all that you have done for me and all that you are going to do! I ask that you continue to wrap your arms around my new precious baby and keep this baby safe! I thank you for my child going full term and being born happy and healthy! Thank you for trusting us with this new gift of life! Please help us to raise this child to love you more than anything in this world! I love you! Bless Lillie this Christmas. Let me never take the miracle of her life for granted. Thank you for two amazing children! I thank you that even more than this baby... YOU are our Christmas Miracle!